Who wants a nice shrimp Mayonnaise?

Sandwiches. It's all the Brits eat.

I am in a hotel in London and just ordered room-service. I am not really that hungry so I ordered some hummus, naan bread and a salad. What comes to my door? A sandwich. A hummus sandwich, with butter! And not like a ciabatta, foccacia gourmet sandwich with hummus and roasted peppers. It's sliced Wheat Bread that you can buy at the grocery store. The menu calles it 'seeded granary' I thought that would be some sort of pita triangles, maybe even lightly toasted to dip into my humus.


This isn't my first Sandwich ordeal here either. Whenever I go back home I put a little sandwich ban on my life for a while to clean out my system. Coming to London for work is an automatic three sandwich minimum. That's one on the plane coming and going and one during whatever meeting I have. I've been here since Sunday night and I have had five already. I don't leave until Thursday. Sometimes during meetings I think we are going to have a real lunch because it is catered. You know what they wheel in? Sandwiches. Gross ones with no crusts, always butter, cucumbers and some cheese. And if it is mixed with Mayonaise it's not called 'tuna salad' or 'egg salad' they just call it Whatever Mayonnaise- Shrimp Mayonaise. Yesterday, hung-over, I inadvertantly chowed down a tuna mayonnaise that was over a foot-long. I still feel fat. Not even from the sandwich, but from the name. How much fish mayonaise did I actually consume and can we just call it a tuna sandwich? I used to eat those all the time and it wasn't an issue.

I know the Brits aren't known for their food, but I think they could try a little harder than pre-prepared sandwich as the national food. Maybe everyone made fun of the food so much that they just quit. From now on, no matter if it's sandwich material or not, it's going to be slapped between two of the crappiest, flimsiest pieces of bread we can find, buttered and called a meal. The Sandwich Industry is a 3.3bn Industry in the UK, compared to 1bn for pizza. Pizza. That means that Brits are eating three nasty mayonaisse sandwiches for every slice of pizza they eat. And that doesn't count a little ham and cheese or PB&J you make at home. This 3.3bn only includes the sandwiches that are made by someone else, cut into triangles and jammed in a box under plastic cover. The BSA (British Sandwich Association- yes there is one and they have a web-site) is actually trying to discourage people from making their own sandwiches at home with ingredients. They caution that a general consumer (not professional sandwich maker) wouldn't be able to get the exact nutrition right and might use ingredients that aren't fresh anymore.

A total of 11% of the 3.3bn worth of sandwiches are being bought in either Convenience Stores or Petrol Stations. 11%. You know when you put gas in the car or pass a corner store-- you are hungry, you definitely want a drink of some sort and you are wondering if you should buy chips or a Hostess cupcake or something? You see the old ham and cheese sandwiches in the case next to the drinks and pass them over. Yeah. Not the Brits. They are standing in front of the case wondering if they should get the shrimp mayonaise or Chicken Tikka.