Bitter Betty- This one is for the Ladies

Today I woke up to an hilarious email from one of my best friends. She will remain nameless to protect her from her own harmless bitching, but basically she asks me if she is being a Bitter Betty because she is angry. Being the bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding is costing her too much. She lists out her expenses here in bullet form. Isn't she great?

My expenses are:
Bridal Shower Gift
Wedding Gift
Bridesmaid Dress ($200 mind you)
Shoes to go w. dress
hair do on day of wedding
Plane tickets & hotel/meal/nightlife costs for trip to xxx for bachelorette party
Lingerie shower gift for xxx (yes thats right! one of the bridesmaids decided we should throw yet another shower for her and get her lingerie)
Bride's trip to xxx (apparently I have to help pay for her trip too. WTF?)
Plane ticket to opposite coast for Wedding
Hotel room for night of wedding

Ladies, can we keep the wedding hooplah to a minimum here? It has really gotten out of control. None of my close friends are the sort to go nuts, but I used to date a guy whose sister had tons of those kinds of friends. Every week it was another production.



Look, you are going to get your strapless dress. Your hair will be elegantly pulled away from your face in a chignon. If you're lucky, you might even have little tendril curls on both temples. You are way too sophisticated and 'easy-going' for a big poofy dress. We know. You will be the perfect combination of bride, but not too "bride" without, of course, looking boring. Your makeup will be soft and dewy, yet striking. He is going to cry when he sees you walking down the aisle. Everything will be perfect. No one will remember anything, but that's ok. Your job is to look beautiful and 'have your day' and make that $3000 dress worth every penny.

Last week I was in Disney World, the home of all Magical Princesses.

Who wouldn't want to get married there? By the time we were done visiting and eating in Epcot's version of Morocco the park had closed. It was just us and a few people cleaning up. If you know Epcot like I know Epcot you would know that the International part is laid out around a large pond where they play firework show every night at nine over the water. It's beautiful and it really made me think twice about how we really are all just one, big world. At some points along the water they built private terraces that you can rent for say, a wedding reception. It's magical. There's a castle in the background. Disney pumps out music 24/7 in every corner of the park.
It's such a unique place to get married- dancing and dining on the shore of Epcot just like the carved bush sculpture of Mickey and Minnie at the entrance.

As we were walking home we saw a bride talking to a table of guests. She was the one in the white dress with a veil. Everyone looked happy. It was lovely.

As we turned the corner around the lake and arrived near the British section we noticed the exact same scene not 100 meters from the other wedding party terrace. Different bride, same white dress and veil talking to her guests. They could see eachother too. They might even have waved. You know those brides had like closed-cage, blood and tears screaming matches with their mothers over whether they should choose lilac napkins with silver writing in BLOCK or white napkins with violet writing in script- All to find out that no one gives a crap. The exact same party in style B was happening right across the water on France's terrace. I wonder if they felt like it was harder to maintain the this is the most important day of my life feeling while seeing someone else in the same outfit having their unique most important day of their life?

Ladies, let me tell you something. I had a wedding. It was beautiful and perfect, but I hardly think about it anymore. When I do think about the wedding, I think about my friends and how great it was to have them in one room. I get choked up about how they all made the effort to travel far to help me celebrate what is turning out to be the best decision I ever made. That probably won't happen again until my funeral.

It's not 1350 anymore, Ladies.


Your wedding is not your life's peak. You don't gather the whole town for three days feast, go away to a tent to hump for a week as your life's last hurrah before you pop out kids and begin your descent into a short, knarled, hairy potato working the cold fields and cooking 18 hours a day until you die. This is not the first nor is it the last day that will be entirely about you. If you chose the right guy you have about a million more days to feel like the greatest thing on the planet. And if you chose the wrong guy, you probably get to have another wedding anyway. So please- spare us from having to be Bitter Bettys. We are very happy for your marriage. But we want an awesome party, not a reason to question why we are friends.

I have three friends getting married this year. I know they will effortlessly pull off a perfect wedding without hoopla. If you need any advice I can give you their numbers.