This must be a henhouse

'cause I don't see nothing but chicken sheeit...



As a joke I announced that I would only buy and eat things from Bavaria, our region in Germany. It was a little stab on the local pride and regionalism you find in just about every country. Everywhere you go people try to tell you that the stuff they have here beats the hell out of the exact same stuff from some arbitrary distance away. Sometimes they'll even have a different name for it. Bavarian beer tastes loads better than the beer you will find 100 km from here. Likewise for bread, eggs, lettuce etc. Well, kidding aside- that does actually happen to be true for many things. I have learned that nothing beats a fresh, Bavarian egg. At the market you can buy eggs from different countries in different classes. An egg will come stamped with everything you need to know (Country-Quality of chicken).

For example an egg from Italy will say IT, from Germany DE. The number following indicates how the chicken was treated:

0- the chicken grew up on a farm in the country with four acres to roam free, was fed from the finest organic grains and had the eggs massaged gently out of her by a team of 4 virgins

1- The chicken grew up on farm somewhere where it was allowed to walk around in an enclosed area, but the grain was tossed carelessly in their direction and no virgin-assisted birth

2- Chicken had to share a coop with 100 other clucking hens- a five story walk-up project-type living arrangement. The grain may or may have fish parts in it and eggs are plopped unceremoniously out at the fastest rate possible.

3- This hen is the result of serious over-breeding. The eggs are the product of unnatural chicken rape also due to overbreeding. Chicken may not even know she is a chicken. Chicken is not allowed to walk around as that would lower the amount of eggs she can lay in a day. Her feathers are matted in chicken shit as she is being shit on constantly by the sick and nervous hen laying eggs above her.

I mistakenly bought IT-3 one day. I smelled the fishy flavor right away. You are what you eat people- especially if you are a chicken. Chicken should not be eating fish!


Now, I will only buy DE-0 or DE-1 and I prefer if they are from Bavaria and not somewhere else in Germany. I won't buy them from the grocery store either, but go especially to the market where real country people haul in stacks of fresh, unrefridgerated eggs by horse and buggy every day. I like the brown eggs as I feel that is Countrier somehow. I get especially giddy if there is a still a small feather stuck to my egg. From the hen's ass directly to my table. You would not believe these eggs! The taste is incredible. We each eat one soft-boiled egg per day with our breakfast. It is the highlight of my day (only second to when I open my Bavarian beer at night) The yellow of the yolk is almost orange it is so rich with flavor.






A few weeks ago I bought some eggs at the market. I am not sure if the country folk serving me was new or what, but somehow she handed me off this egg here with shit still on it. That's shit, chicken shit, on my egg. While it doens't get more authentic than shit on an egg, it completely grossed me out. Where was my team of virgins on this one? I don't want mass produced eggs, but no shit please, ok? I have my limits. I boiled the egg for 5.5 minutes assuming it would dissolve. After almost six minutes in boiling water the shit would still not budge. I poked it with a stick, tried to brush it off with a kitchen brush, scraped it with a knife. I even tried Windex and soap scum bathroom cleaner. It would not come off. So, I took these pictures and then threw out the entire egg. Sorry.