On Turbulence

on Thursday of last week I took a flight to London that should have gotten me there at 10.00AM to London City airport. It is a gem of an airport primarily for business flights to other major business cities. It takes you away from the grimey, disorganized chaos of Heathrow. However, it is similar to La Guardia in that it only has very short runways and is surrounded by either water or tall buildings. Room for error is small.

On Thursday London had record wind storms of around 100 MPH. I am almost sure this was happening while we were in the air. I slept like a baby for most of the flight, but unfortunately woke up just in time to hear the announcement that our plane would be diverted to Stanstead due to wind and we were not clear for landing yet, due to wind and congestion. So for 45 minutes to i think and hour and a half we jostled, bumped and shook our way around London. I now know what it would feel like to be a kite. The Italian guy next to me with the chunky Cartier watch kept punching/grabing the seat in front of him every time the plane shook. We did one of those elevator drops. So now I know what it would feel like if my stomach decided to actually eject itself through my mouth. We also felt the back of the plane moving to the left and right. Passengers were screaming. Passengers were screaming! I won't say that I was calm because at one point I thought of grabbing the man's hand seated to my left for comfort. However, I did not join in the screaming.

I have noticed lately that the amount of announcements they make during and before a flight are at obnoxious levels. It is even worse in the US where I think insurance policies force them to remind us that breathing is the act of bringing air in and out through the nose or mouth. Either that or the US has become the most dumbed down place on earth completely on its own. I mean seriously, it used to be a joke for the pilot to tell you that they would be flying over Chicago for the passengers on the left etc. Now, there is a 30 minute game-plan on what we can and can not do in the plane, what will happen, rules of the bathroom etc etc. Then again when we land about the weather, time and connections. Shut up. Also, if you turn the seat-belt light on do you really have to make an announcement about it? BING. " Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the captain speaking. I am bored. I just turned on the seat-belt sign because there is a little turbulence up here at about 30000 ft. We are going to see if we could get either above or below it. We have turned the seat-belt sign on so please stay in your seats. The fact that I am still talking only shows you how insignificant this turbulence really is. I just pressed the button that mission control told me to press and now I am playing with the intercom. We should be starting our descent in about 45 minutes at which time I will update you again on the altitude of hte plane and anything else I can think of."

What freaked me out on my flight to London was that for the first time we actually seemed to be in the kind of turbulence that warranted fastening a seatbelt. But guess what? No pilot's announcement. No soothing words or rambling speeches. I imagine he was busy actually flying the plane and trying not to shit his pants like the rest of us.